The test.

Saturday night was probably one of the worst nights of my life.

On Saturday night , I literally laid in my bed and cried my eyes out for hours. I didn't sleep that night at all. That was the night when I realized that I honestly need serious help.

After Ben broke up with me, every night I would go through a wave of depression that was almost crippling. When I talked to my mom about it she just assured me that it was my brokenheart and in time I would get over it. All day I would be fine but as soon as that sun set... my mood dramatically shifted. And it wasn't because I thought of Ben. I was just depressed for no reason at all.

Sometimes, my sadness is almost unbearable.

Saturday my world came crashing down when there was drama in my family, I was rejected, my parents threatened divorce, and I found out that Ben cheated on me.

That's an awful lot to take in one night, isn't it?

I thought so too.

And for the past couple of days I've been bawling my eyes out, wondering why all this was happening to me. That was when I had the thought that no one was ever really supposed to be happy in life... I haven't been legitimately happy for quite a while. I thought that God made us so unhappy so that we would turn to him in our times of need.

I'm in need right now and it kind of feels like God's not even paying attention.

But I have to remember that He is testing me. And whatever He's doing in my life, He's doing it because he loves me.

My week has just really sucked so far.