In case you haven't already seen it....

This video will change your life.

 

 

Last night.

Stoney, Demi, and I just chilled at Demi's house.

All we really did was talk and watch 21 Jump Street (which by the way is a hilarious movie). Stoney told me that Corey admitted that he has feelings for me... well gee, isn't that convient?! When he has a girlfriend and I'm dating his best friend. The only reason why he likes me is because he's jealous of Logan. Which is very irritating, I have to admit.

But it's fine. Corey is still my best-friend. As dramatic and complicated as he may be.

Hmm...quite a night.

 

last Friday night I partied hard...

 

Ah, I was just kidding. I haven't grown up THAT much since the last time we talked.

 

However, last Friday night I hung out with a bunch of cool people. Orginally, we were supposed to go to the movies and all pile into one pick-up truck. To my surprise, I was picked up by a black mini van! We got the #minivanswag.

 

It turned out that we didn't go to the movies. We did everything else on the planet instead. We drove all around town in our mini van, trying to keep entertained.

 

We drove into the walmart parking lot and waited until we found a group of people. We stopped next to the people and rolled down the window. Then Ethan (the driver) tried to burn out! It was so pathetic. It turns out that mini vans aren't that intimidating... who knew?

 

After that we went to Braums and pigged out on ice cream.

 

We went on a 'Hotel Run' where you go to a Hotel. You go to a certain floor and run down the hallway, banging every door you can on the way. It sounds stupid but it was very, very fun. Also, I'm pretty sure that it's illegal.

 

After that, they decided that they wanted to make bombs (something made out of water bottles, some cleaner, and tin foil) and go throw them around an old vacant paintball field. I know, it's stupid. But it's very hard having a good time in such a small town. So there they were, throwing their little waterbottle bombs (which were unbelieveably loud) when they see a car drive past.

 

We all pile up in the minivan but soon realize that the car drove away.

 

Once everyone got out of the van, Dillion throws one last bomb. As it hits the ground and makes a loud bang, the car appears out of no where. Everyone runs back into the van. Ethan scrambled to find the keys and I couldn't close the door so I was freaking out. While all this chaos is happening, the car is getting closer and closer. I yell "I can't close the door!" so my friend reaches around and pulls it until it's halfway shut.

 

Ethan put his keys in the ignition and screams "IT'S CLOSED ENOUGH! LET'S GET OUT OF HERE." He hits the gas and we tail it out of there, with the car following us. It was kind of like a highspeed chase.

 

Well we didn't get arrested, thank God.

it was just a very exciting night.

 





Steadily Making My Way in this World.

Just got home from school. See, now I'm actually writing everyday! Be proud of me guys. Hopefully I won't forget doing it tomorrow. Nothing too eventful happened today except that my love of photography is becoming more and more apparent. Thanks to the new app called Instagram; I can now take pictures of anything and everything without being socially unacceptable. It's a win, win!

As I get closer and closer to my Senior year, the overwhelming feeling of growing up keeps coming up. It's disgusting... but anyway! When I think about what the future holds for me, I'm only excited. I can not wait. So far, I have my life planned out as;

• Going to some college.
• Studying photography & getting a degree in business.
• Graduating college.
• Spend a couple of months getting my pilots liscense. (so that I can be a commercial pilot as a back-up plan).
• Take a year off to do some type of missonary work.
• Work as a wedding photographer.
• Start my own wedding photography business.
• Spend my retirement writing novels.

I love this plan for my future. It may not be the best paying but I just believe that I would be so happy doing this with my life.

You have just peaked into my future...

Sugar, We're Going down Swinging.

There's another boy...

Yeah, yeah, yeah I know that you guys are all currently screaming at the computer screen

"WHAT?!?! ANOTHER ONE!?"

 

 

Yes, there is another boy but trust me it gets worse. This boys name is Logan. Sound familiar? He's also Corey's best friend. Oh, but that's not even the best part; he is the reason why Clayton hates me. Oh wait, and if that wasn't enough; LOGAN LIVES IN ILLINOIS.

 

Yeah, I bet your jaw just hit the floor after reading that. Isn't that ridiculous? Aren't I just the smartest freaking girl on the planet?!

 

So I guess I should explain what happened:

 

Logan used to live in Texas not too long ago. He was always best friends with Corey but he never really came around me too much until one night when Tori, Corey, Ben, Logan, & I went to the movies together (it's weird that Corey, Logan, and Ben were all in the same room together). We ended up seeing The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (which is a good movie if you count out all the rape scenes & the weirdness).

 

The first thing I noticed about Logan was his shoes. He was wearing colorful Osiris' and to this day that is the only thing I can really remember about what he was wearing. Logan didn't speak much, mostly kept to himself, occasionally saying some things to Corey.

 

All & all everyone seemed to be having a good time.



 

My night ended up sucking however because my boyfriend at the time (Ben) was being a jerk to everyone and I got super embarrassed. Ben even grabbed my head and forced me to kiss him infront of my friends, knowing my debilitating hate for public displays of affection. He was just ridiculous that night.

 

Finally, after not saying more then a couple words that night, Logan screamed "OH MY GOD DO YOU EVER SHUT UP?!" at Ben. And even though I knew I should've been mad at Logan, I thought it was the funniest thing ever. 

 

After that Logan showed up every now & then, not really saying more than a couple of words to me. I remember that one day he passed me in the hallway, flailed his arms in the air , and yelled "Blonde girl!"

 

I mirrored him and said "Logan!"

 

Then he laughed at me and walked away. That was the most recognition I could get out of him until my birthday... On my birthday, my parents gave me an Xbox 360. Nerdy, right? Well I love it. Along with the Xbox, they also got xbox live. Immediately Corey made add him and Logan. That night, he had said more then he had ever before: explaining to me that he found me attractice and the he did not care who knew it.

 

The rest of the year I don't remember that clearly. I remember walking with him in the hallway once. Then I remember the day when he moved away to Illinois to live with his dad. It was a sad day , for sure. Corey was very upset about it.

 

Logan and I still talked on Xbox live almost daily. He had a girlfriend at the time and I was of course talking to somebody but we stayed in communication, we even started texting. It wasn't until I started talking to Clayton when Logan started showing me his true feelings for me.

 

In August, Logan came down to Texas to visit for a little while. He, Corey, and I went to Texas Roadhouse and saw a movie together. It was pretty fun actually. I got to meet Logan's moms (yes MOMS as in plural. his mom is a lesbian). After the movie, Logan drove over to his house and we hung out there until Corey had to go home. Once Corey left, Logan drove me home.

 

But the closer and closer we got to my house the more I started to realize that I didn't want to get out of his car.

 

And secretly I wondered what he would do if I kissed him.

 

But sadly, I didn't.

 

A couple weeks later I admitted my true feelings for him as he did for me. I practically dumped Clayton for him. Logan was just too incredible to give up. Illinois or not, I'm not letting the oppurtunity to be with the amazing boy go away. I wish I could express to ya'll how amazing this guy truely is.

 

He asked me to be his girlfriend but I refused because I believed it was too early but...

 

On Friday, I sent him a letter asking him to by my boyfriend.

 

He got it yesterday.

 

He said yes.

 

9/4/12

 

Let's hope this one lasts...

 

 

A summer spent with the Rednecks.

The majority of my summer was spent with the Redneck boys of my town. At first they were bareable. I even almost dated one of them (Clayton). But they got to the point where I couldn't stand most of them. They were all cocky and rude. Not to mention, they all had the IQs of a piece of toast.
But I did have really good moments and memories with them.

• Like going to the Dirttrack to watch Lance race.
• Clayton's truck breaking down out in the middle of nowhere.
• Spending all night laughing with them.
• Them randomly showing up at my house.

Almost all of them ended up being jerks but I had a great time with them. And for the 2 that I still do like, I can't wait to spend more with them.

P.S. Clayton hates me. Wanna know why? Why Clayton Hates Me...

Coming clean.

In a summer that has practically been life changing I have posted very little. I've posted for the first day of school every year since freshman year but I haven't done that either. Looks like I'm slacking on ya'll! You guys need to whip me in shape so that I write more.

When I look back on the beginning of my blog I realized that I was so honest.  I posted at least once everyday and mentioned every single thing that happened in my life. Now look at me! Barely ever posting, barely even telling the truth because I'm afraid of what you guys are going to think of me.

But then I realized that ya'll sat and listened to all the other stupid things I did... so what's another?

So here comes my Coming Clean blog posts. Time to describe every aspect of my summer. (well at least everything ya'll missed.

Watch it!

My favorite song with some of my favorite people. I SPENT ALL NIGHT ON THIS SO PLEASE WATCH IT!!!!

Here we go again!

So it's been a couple days since I've posted.

In those couple of days I met a guy.

I know what ya'll are thinking...

I made a commitment to myself to stay single for a while... I don't need a boyfriend constantly. I just bounce back very quickly. So don't think that I'm obsessed with boys because I'm not!!!

But recently I met this guy named Clayton.

Okay so I know Clayton is not a very attractive name. And honestly, he's not a very attractive boy at first glance. He's a proud member of the redneck clan. He lives on a strong diet of Buffalo Wild Wings and country music. He always has a toothpick in his mouth and a baseball hat on his head. And it's been said that he slightly resembles a younger Jason Aldean.

Jason! :]

How did I meet him? Good question blog reader!

My friend Demi is 'dating' his friend KJ. Who came over to her house the same day that I was spending the night. KJ brought his friend Clayton who I thought was the funniest guy on the planet. The next night, I had to go somewhere else and my friend Victoria spent the night at Demi's. KJ came over and so did Clayton.

A couple days went by when I was hanging out with Victoria.

"Clayton has a big thing for you." She admitted randomly.

Apparently, the night that I wasn't at Demi's, I came up in conversation. Clayton got very shy and blushy when Demi and Victoria started talking about me. They were kidding around about how Clayton and I would be a cute couple. When he said :

"Yeah, but I don't like Cassidy."

And KJ looked over at him and yelled "You lie!"

At the time I thought that story was so funny. A couple days later it came down to KJ forcing me to text Clayton because he couldn't get over his ex girlfriend. KJ told me that his ex still texts him every now and then about her new boyfriend.

A week later, Clayton invited me to the dirttrack races.

We went to the races on Saturday. He took me and my friend Demi. He sat and explained everything to us. We hung out with all of his friends and laughed all night long. He even randomly started holding my hand.

When the races were over he convinced Demi to ride home in Stoney's truck. He said it was because he hadn't had his lisence for very long and he didn't want to get caught with more than one person in the truck... I think he did it so that he could be alone with me.

He held my hand the entire ride home.

I think I'm beginning to like him...

But I made a commitment to myself to stay single.



"You will be naked for an enternity..."

"I was naked for a day. But you will be naked for an enternity."- That is a quote is from a writer in one of my favorite movies called 'A Knights Tale'.

As most of you may know, I love to write. Stories, blogs, novels...etc. When I am older I plan on being an author. My favorite thing about being a writer is taking the people that are in my life and putting them into my stories. Whether they be good or bad. It makes the characters more believeable.

As most of you may know, I loved Ben. Even though he was a disgusting, egotistical, selfish, lying, scum bag.

As most of you may not know, Ben gave me mono one month before he dumped me.

And as most of you definitely do not know, he cheated on me with this disgusting Harlet. Twice! And the second time he caught mono. Then he gave it to me. Then he dumped me before I could figure it all out.

So yes, Benjamin is a complete and total a**hole who didn't deserve a second of my time.

And I can't wait for the day when karma bites him right in the butt.

Until that happens, I will make sure to keep a note of him in my mind. He might've embarrassed me and he might've hurt me. But so help me I will embarrass and hurt him for the rest of his life. With every book I write. There will be a Ben. Somewhere.



The test.

Saturday night was probably one of the worst nights of my life.

On Saturday night , I literally laid in my bed and cried my eyes out for hours. I didn't sleep that night at all. That was the night when I realized that I honestly need serious help.

After Ben broke up with me, every night I would go through a wave of depression that was almost crippling. When I talked to my mom about it she just assured me that it was my brokenheart and in time I would get over it. All day I would be fine but as soon as that sun set... my mood dramatically shifted. And it wasn't because I thought of Ben. I was just depressed for no reason at all.

Sometimes, my sadness is almost unbearable.

Saturday my world came crashing down when there was drama in my family, I was rejected, my parents threatened divorce, and I found out that Ben cheated on me.

That's an awful lot to take in one night, isn't it?

I thought so too.

And for the past couple of days I've been bawling my eyes out, wondering why all this was happening to me. That was when I had the thought that no one was ever really supposed to be happy in life... I haven't been legitimately happy for quite a while. I thought that God made us so unhappy so that we would turn to him in our times of need.

I'm in need right now and it kind of feels like God's not even paying attention.

But I have to remember that He is testing me. And whatever He's doing in my life, He's doing it because he loves me.

My week has just really sucked so far.

FINALLY POSTED STUFF ON MY SUMMER PAGE!

I finally posted things on my summer page!

Go look at them!

Summer:)

IT'S FINALLY SUMMER! Friday was my offical last day of Sophomore year and I'm so glad! This summer is going to be quite an interesting one. What to expect? Well you can expect me to post almost every day! I mean, what else am I going to do?! I'm also going to do a summer challange where I change up my entire life and my outlook over the course of the summer. It'll pretty much be a 'Summer Bucket List'. And you guys will be my witnesses! Follow my summer journey?

THE SCARIEST MOMENT OF MY LIFE: Ghost Adventure Time.

It all started when I walked into 5th period and Sam came up to me and asked, "Cassidy, do you want to go on an adventure?!"

 I don't know if I have mentioned Sam before in this blog but I first met him in the 8th grade, when he got up in the middle of class and shouted "You stole Christmas!" at our teacher. After that moment, I decided that he would be a great friend to keep around. Needless to say, Sam is probably the strangest guy I know but he's also the most honest and respectful person I have ever met.

"Heck yeah!" I said, thinking that he was kidding.

"No I'm being serious!" Sam said, "You. Me. My girlfried. Jake... and some other people so it doesn't feel so awkward! We're going to go on an adventure. You down?" He asked.

"Sure," I said. I figured that since I was trying to live my life to the fullest; this was a great way to start.

Skip to a couple hours later (at 9 o'clock) Tori and I were waiting outside for Sam to pull up to my house. When he got there we jumped in and drove away. It turned out that Jake couldn't go so Sam invited his friends Chris and Courtney (Sam calls her Curtis). We ended up sitting in Sam's car for 3 hours waiting for Chris's dad to go to sleep so that he could sneak out (I felt like such a rebel).

Sam drives an SUV. Sam was in the driver's seat, Tori was in the passanger, I was in the back on the far left, Courtney was in the middle, and Chris was on the right holding his guitar. Remember that he brought a guitar because it's kind of important. Sam drove us out of the town and down this country road. We went straight for what seemed to be forever, and the trees that surrounded the road seemed to get darker and darker. Sam suddenly turned left and that's when I felt it...

As he pulled over a bridge I felt the tingle in my spine and the air got heavy. I had the beating paranoia that someone was watching me and did not want me there. "How do ya'll feel?" Sam asked as he pulled to the side of the road, and that's when I realized that this was the 'haunted place' he was talking about.

 "I feel like I'm about to pee my pants..." Tori said.

"The air feels heavy." Courtney said from beside me.

"I feel like someone's watching me.." I whispered.
"I feel like going home!" Chris laughed. 

This road that we were parked on was in the middle of the woods. Sam then turned off the headlights and we all sat in complete darkness. The feeling in my spine got stronger and stronger and was almost unbearable. Outside the windows, it was pitch black and the only faint light was from the moon shining through the trees. I couldn't tear my eyes off of the window next to me because I was convinced that something was out there staring at me.

"So do you guys want to get out?" Sam asked.

"No!"

"No."

"Nooo..."

I thought about it for a second, "I'll do it."

 but I ended up getting scared and I couldn't get out of the car.

Chris was sitting in the backseat playing his guitar and singing, "Dear ghost, please don't kill me. I have a wife and family."

Chris said that he kept hearing a jingle sound. Like a DOGs collar. 

Sam ended up driving us to the edge of the woods until we reached a pet cemetery. The feeling was gone in all of us so we all got out of the car this time. The pet cemetery was around 30 graves surrounded by a chain link fence. Outside of the fence was the woods, the trees circled the cemetery at least 50 feet away. As we walked into the cemetery (being very careful to not step on the graves) I felt fine, at peace but something in me urged me to go to the trees that circled us I walked out of the fence first and Sam complimented my courage and compared me to Jake.

There was a trail that led to the trees and as we all walked together, with Chris playing the guitar, we could feel the air steadily getting colder. It felt as if it were winter (bare in mind that we live in Texas, and it was 90 degrees that afternoon). Courtney stopped suddenly and said that she couldn't go any farther because she was feeling dizzy the closer she got. Chris turned on his phone and Sam warned him not to do that. Chris stayed with Courtney but Sam, Tori, and I kept walking. The air suddenly felt warm and we were around 20 feet from the trees. I was kidding around with them and we were having a normal conversation. When we reached 10 feet from the trees Sam and Tori stopped, but I kept walking (don't ask me why). As I stood 3 feet away from the trees I looked up at the canopy of leaves on top of me and through the darkness of the trees in front of me. Everything was suddenly freezing, worst then it had been before. Chris was tuning his guitar behind us. Sam was standing 5 feet behind me.

 I stared forward as I said, "I feel like I'm in the Blair Witch Project." 

And that's when I heard it:

"Ya'll shouldn't be here." The voice said from right in from of me.

I let out a loud scream. Sam yelled a curse word. And we all began to sprint back to the car. Chris and Tori were in front. Sam was behind them. Courtney behind him and I was in the back. I don't exactly remember thinking about it but I remember thinking that I needed to get out of there. I've never ran so fast in my life.

As we got into the car everyone was out of breath.

Chris said, "Where are we going?!"

Sam yelled, "The F**K out of here!" he said he hit the gas and started backing up.

I stared at the trees as Sam shined the headlights there for a moment but saw no one.

We sat in Sam's car as we all discussed what had happened. We were all pale and shaking because we had just witnessed a paranormal thing. Sam had heard the same thing that I did and described the voice perfectly. It wasn't a bad voice, it was calm. It was like an older woman of 60. It was very normal as if it were a teacher scolding you. And the voice was so...clear... so real!

Chris said that as we were running he heard the jingling sound behind him, chasing him for a couple of feet before stopping. We all sat and tried to calm down but we couldn't help it. My mom had texted me 20 times but I hadn't recieved any messages because the cemetary is out in the middle of no where. And she was unusally scared for my safety. When I got home and told her the story, she had admitted that she felt that for some reason that I was unsafe....



HOWS THAT FOR A GHOST STORY?!?!?!

I'm going to start living my life!

I realized that I'm done living this medicore life! I'm going to live my life to the fullest. And what is always the best way to figure out answers? GOOGLE! Here's a list of things I found to do to help live life to the fullest:

Love. Perhaps the most important. Fall in love, if you aren't already. If you have, fall in love with your partner all over again. Abandon caution and let your heart be broken. Or love family members, friends, anyone -- it doesn't have to be romantic love. Love all of humanity, one person at a time.

Get outside. Don't let yourself be shut indoors. Go out when it's raining. Walk on the beach. Hike through the woods. Swim in a freezing lake. Bask in the sun. Play sports, or walk barefoot through grass. Pay close attention to nature.

Savor food. Don't just eat your food, but really enjoy it. Feel the texture, the bursts of flavors. Savor every bite. If you limit your intake of sweets, it will make the small treats you give yourself (berries or dark chocolate are my favorites) even more enjoyable. And when you do have them, really, really savor them. Slowly.

Create a morning ritual. Wake early and greet the day. Watch the sun rise. Out loud, tell yourself that you will not waste this day, which is a gift. You will be compassionate to your fellow human beings, and live every moment to its fullest. Stretch or meditate or exercise as part of your ritual. Enjoy some coffee.

Take chances. We often live our lives too cautiously, worried about what might go wrong. Be bold, risk it all. Quit your job and go to business for yourself (plan it out first!), or go up to that girl you've liked for a long time and ask her out. What do you have to lose?

Follow excitement. Try to find the things in life that excite you, and then go after them. Make life one exciting adventure after another (with perhaps some quiet times in between).
Find your passion. Similar to the above tip, this one asks you to find your calling. Make your living by doing the thing you love to do. First, think about what you really love to do. There may be many things. Find out how you can make a living doing it. It may be difficult, but you only live once.

Get out of your cubicle. Do you sit all day in front of computer, shuffling papers and taking phone calls and chatting on the Internet? Don't waste your days like this. Break free from the cubicle environment, and do your work on a laptop, in a coffee shop, or on a boat, or in a log cabin. This may require a change of jobs, or becoming a freelancer. It's worth it.
Turn off the TV. How many hours will we waste away in front of the boob tube? How many hours do we have to live? Do the math, then unplug the TV. Only plug it back in when you have a DVD of a movie you love. Otherwise, keep it off and find other stuff to do. Don't know what to do? Read further.
Pull away from Internet. You're reading something on the Internet right now. And, with the exception of this article, it is just more wasting away of your precious time. You cannot get these minutes back. Unplug the Internet, then get out of your office or house. Right now! And go and do something.

Travel. Sure, you want to travel some day. When you have vacation time, or when you're older. Well, what are you waiting for? Find a way to take a trip, if not this month, then sometime soon. You may need to sell your car or stop your cable bill and stop eating out to do it, but make it happen. You are too young to not see the world. If need be, find a way to make a living by freelancing, then work while you travel. Only work an hour or two a day. Don't check email but once a week. Then use the rest of the time to see the world.

Rediscover what's important. Take an hour and make a list of everything that's important to you. Add to it everything that you want to do in life. Now cut that list down to 4-5 things. Just the most important things in your life. This is your core list. This is what matters. Focus your life on these things. Make time for them.

Eliminate everything else. What's going on in your life that's not on that short list? All that stuff is wasting your time, pulling your attention from what's important. As much as possible, simplify your life by eliminating the stuff that's not on your short list, or minimizing it.

Exercise. Get off the couch and go for a walk. Eventually try running. Or do some push ups and crunches. Or swim or bike or row. Or go for a hike. Whatever you do, get active, and you'll love it. And life will be more alive.

Be positive. Learn to recognize the negative thoughts you have. These are the self-doubts, the criticisms of others, the complaints, the reasons you can't do something. Then stop yourself when you have these thoughts, and replace them with positive thoughts. Solutions. You can do this!

Open your heart. Is your heart a closed bundle of scar tissue? Learn to open it, have it ready to receive love, to give love unconditionally. If you have a problem with this, talk to someone about it. And practice makes perfect.

Kiss in the rain. Seize the moment and be romantic. Raining outside? Grab your lover and give her a passionate kiss. Driving home? Stop the car and pick some wildflowers. Send her a love note. Dress sexy for him.

Face your fears. What are you most afraid of? What is holding you back? Whatever it is, recognize it, and face it. Do what you are most afraid of. Afraid of heights? Go to the tallest building, and look down over the edge. Only by facing our fears can we be free of them.
When you suffer, suffer. Life isn't all about fun and games. Suffering is an inevitable part of life. We lose our jobs. We lose our lovers. We lose our pets. We get physically injured or sick. A loved one becomes sick. A parent dies. Learn to feel the pain intensely, and really grieve. This is a part of life -- really feel the pain. And when you're done, move on, and find joy.

Slow down. Life moves along at such a rapid pace these days. It's not healthy, and it's not conducive to living. Practice doing everything slowly -- everything, from eating to walking to driving to working to reading. Enjoy what you do. Learn to move at a snail's pace.

Touch humanity. Get out of your house and manicured neighborhoods, and find those who live in worse conditions. Meet them, talk to them, understand them. Live among them. Be one of them. Give up your materialistic lifestyle.

Volunteer. Help at homeless soup kitchens. Learn compassion, and learn to help ease the suffering of others. Help the sick, those with disabilities, those who are dying.
Play with children. Children, more than anyone else, know how to live. They experience everything in the moment, fully. When they get hurt, they really cry. When they play, they really have fun. Learn from them, instead of thinking you know so much more than them. Play with them, and learn to be joyful like them.
Talk to old people. There is no one wiser, more experienced, more learned, than those who have lived through life. They can tell you amazing stories. Give you advice on making a marriage last or staying out of debt. Tell you about their regrets, so you can learn from them and avoid the same mistakes. They are the wisdom of our society -- take advantage of their existence while they're still around.
Learn new skills. Constantly improve yourself instead of standing still -- not because you're so imperfect now, but because it is gratifying and satisfying. You should accept yourself as you are, and learn to love who you are, but still try to improve -- if only because the process of improvement is life itself.

Find spirituality. For some, this means finding God or Jesus or Allah or Buddha. For others, this means becoming in tune with the spirits of our ancestors, or with nature. For still others, this just means an inner energy. Whatever spirituality means for you, rediscover it, and its power.
Take mini-retirements. Don't leave the joy of retirement until you are too old to enjoy it. Do it now, while you're young. It makes working that much more worth it. Find ways to take a year off every few years. Save up, sell your home, your possessions, and travel. Live simply, but live, without having to work. Enjoy life, then go back to work and save up enough money to do it again in a couple of years.

Do nothing. Despite the tip above that we should find excitement, there is value in doing nothing as well. Not doing nothing as in reading, or taking a nap, or watching TV, or meditating. Doing nothing as in sitting there, doing nothing. Just learning to be still, in silence, to hear our inner voice, to be in tune with life. Do this daily if possible.
Stop playing video games. They might be fun, but they can take up way too much time. If you spend a lot of time playing online games, or computer solitaire, or Wii or Gameboy or whatever, consider going a week without it. Then find something else to do, outside.

Watch sunsets, daily. One of the most beautiful times of day. Make it a daily ritual to find a good spot to watch the sunset, perhaps having a light dinner while you do so.

Stop reading magazines. They're basically crap. And they waste your time and money. Cancel your subscriptions and walk past them at the news stands. If you have to read something, read a trashy novel or even better, read Dumb Little Man once a day and be done.

Break out out from ruts. Do you do things the same way every day? Change it up. Try something new. Take a different route to work. Start your day out differently. Approach work from a new angle. Look at things from new perspectives.

Stop watching the news. It's depressing and useless. If you're a news junky, this may be difficult. I haven't watch TV news or read a newspaper regularly in about two years. It hasn't hurt me a bit. Anything important, my mom tells me about.

Laugh till you cry. Laughing is one of the best ways to live. Tell jokes and laugh your head off. Watch an awesome comedy. Learn to laugh at anything. Roll on the ground laughing. You'll love it.

Lose control. Not only control over yourself, but control over others. It's a bad habit to try to control others -- it will only lead to stress and unhappiness for yourself and those you try to control. Let others live, and live for yourself. And lose control of yourself now and then too.

Cry. Men, especially, tend to hold in our tears, but crying is an amazing release. Cry at sad movies. Cry at a funeral. Cry when you are hurt, or when somebody you love is hurt. It releases these emotions and allows us to cleanse ourselves.

Make an awesome dessert. I like to make warm, soft chocolate cake. But even berries dipped in chocolate, or crepes with ice cream and fruit, or fresh apple pie, or homemade chocolate chip cookies or brownies, are great. This isn't an every day thing, but an occasional treat thing. But it's wonderful.

Try something new, every week. Ask yourself: "What new thing shall I try this week?" Then be sure to do it. You don't have to learn a new language in one week, but seek new experiences. Give it a try. You might decide you want to keep it in your life.


Be in the moment. Instead of thinking about things you need to do, or things that have happened to you, or worrying or planning or regretting, think about what you are doing, right now. What is around you? What smells and sounds and sights and feelings are you experiencing? Learn to do this as much as possible through meditation, but also through bringing your focus back to the present as much as you can in everything you do.

Life right now...

Life is pretty much sucking right now. I've been complaining so much right now and I'm sure that my friends are tired of hearing it... so I'll post it on here! Ya'll are just the ears I need for this post:

1. PMS SUUUUUCCCCKS!
2. I WANT TO DATE COREY- Gosh I want to be with him so bad. I feel like such a brat for saying that but everytime I see him I just want to kiss him! Plus, the fact that he's being stand off-ish now is making me want to date him even more (playing hard to get really does work). Of course, him being stand off-ish around me is probably a sign that he doesn't like me anymore.
3. JAKE IS BACK- do you remember Jake? The guy I had a big crush on last year that ended up blowing me off. Well, he's back in my life again and he's been pushing his way in closer every day. Honestly, I don't like this boy at all... but he likes me now (where was he freshman year?). And he doesn't understand why I won't date him (look back at number 2 for the reason).
4. I HAVE TO GO TO SATURDAY SCHOOL- Sucks, huh? I got waaay too many absences this year so I will have to serve them in Saturday school this weekend and the next week after that. FUN.FUN.FUN.

Honestly, I'm depressed right now and all I want to do is take a nap. The sucky part about the nap is that I have to wake up tomorrow and deal with this all over again: Corey ignoring me, fighting period cramps, avoiding Jake in the hallway, and doing piles of homework..

Sock curling?? Whhhhaaa!

I'm so going to so this tonight! I mean, it makes your hear SUPER curly and frizzy but this is too awesome to pass up. Watch this tutorial:

Ah, Corey.

So did you see that uber depressing thing I posted earlier? 'What were you thinking'

Click here to read it!

I posted that because Corey had sent me a message that said: Sorry for not replying. I'm not trying to ignore you. I'm just evaluating my feelings right now. I don't want to do the wrong thing.

That's enough to discourage anyone isn't it? When I read that I got all depressed and junk because I thought that was his way of rejecting me and that nothing was ever going to be normal between us. But then I thought about it; who cares if nothing changes?! There's nothing wrong with what me and Corey have going on now. Just friends is fine with me as long as he's in my life. But I'm still not sure that was his way of' 'rejecting' me because on Saturday he begged me to go see the Avengers with him (and our friend Megan of course). The Avengers ended up being closed so we went bowling instead. We went to go get food (Megan pigged out on everyone's french fries) and hid from the storm. It was a great time!

Corey dropped Megan off at her house, then started driving towards mine when the song 'Sexy and I Know It' started playing through the radio. Corey then decides that this is a great time to throw his hands off the wheel and start dancing! He then shouted "Jesus, take the wheel!" so I reached over and started steering the car all the way back to my house while he was shaking his 'money maker'. We got to my house he proceeded to scream at me and tell me to get out (just kidding, of course).

I don't know if we're just friends or what... oh well:)

Mom.

I love my mom so much and I am so freaking lucky to have her in my life. I truly am. She is my best friend and I can tell her anything. She's helped me through so much; every heartbreak, every fight, every tear, every medical problem...and she reminds me that it's important to stay strong. She has been through so much in her life but she still treats every day like it's a gift. My mom puts 100% into every single thing she does. She is probably the strongest woman I have met. She has no idea how much she means to me.


Make sure to make a mother feel special this holiday!:)

What were you thinking?

Seriously, what were you thinking? A nice boy with a cute smile and nice sense of humor liking YOU? Is there something wrong with you Cassidy? What were you thinking? What could've possibly make you believe that you could deserve such a thing...



I hate my life. 

Lady Ballz!

I did it guys! I finally told Corey my true feelings...

I bet you don't believe me but I did it! I guess I've just grown too impatient to sit around and wonder about what could've been. So I... Cassidy admitted my feelings for him. AND IM HAVING A FREAKING ADRENALINE RUSH! I want to go out and admit my true feelings to everyone! Do you want to know how I did it? Well, I did it through text message:

"I like you, like more than a friend. I know that you might not like me too and that things probably won't change after I send this but I just wanted to let you know."

Yeah, that is a straight quote. He replied around an hour later that said:

"That's quite a bold statement, little lady. I liked that."

WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?!?! I mean, DUH that was a bold statement!!!!! I JUST ADMITTED MY FEELINGS FOR YOU DUMB DUMB! I replied:

"Haha I'm glad. Well I wanted to tell you that for quite a while."

He asked:

"Why would you want to date a dorky, weird, douche bag?"

My reply:

"You make me smile...more than anyone else. And you're nice and different and freaking hilarious. Sometimes I wish I could be more like you. And you're not a douche bag! You may be dorky, and you may be weird but you're not a douche."

He hasn't replied to that yet but Corey never replies to texts. I'm just proud of myself because I had the lady ballz to do that. Corey and I might not go anywhere from here, and if we don't I'll be okay with that. I just couldn't stand another day without him knowing. I'm going to start living this whole YOLO lifestyle (except I'm cutting out the drugs and alcohol). I'm going to be less hesitant and live every day like it's my last.

YOU. ONLY. LIVE. ONCE.

Sometimes...

Sometimes I'm EXTREMELY happy that I'm single. But sometimes , I see all the cute couples in the hallway.... and I want that. I want to hold hands with someone in the hallway. I want someone to drive me home from school everyday and kiss me goodbye. I want to go to prom with him. I want someone to stay on the phone with for hours. Someone to  around with and dance in my kitchen. I want to fight ghosts. I was to sneak out and stare up at the sky. I want to post cute pictures on Facebook with sappy captions...

But I'm totally glad to be single....

I'm baaaaaaccccckkk!

Alright, I'm sorry but my computer has been broken for the longest time so I couldn't post any updates. Let's see...Ben dumped me on Easter. He said it was because he was going to college and that he just wanted to be single. So right now I'm still at that stage where I hate him and I'm convinced that he's the worst boyfriend ever. It still kind of hurts so I'm not going to post much about it......STUPID DOUCHE BAG...oh sorry...I realized how stupid I was for not dumping Ben for Corey. In the past couple of weeks my feelings have grown so much for my best-friend.

The Bonfire Party.
A couple of days before Ben broke up with me Corey call me inviting me to a Bonfire at his house. Even though it's Texas and at that time it was WAAAY too hot to have a bonfire; it was a stupid idea. I had been crying all day long so I didn't want him to see me like that. Our phone conversation went like this:
Corey: "Would you like to come to a bonfire?"
Cassidy: "I-I don't know..."
Corey: "Please?"
Cassidy: "No I-"
Corey: "Forget it, I'll ask Tori instead!"
*click*

That jerk totally told me that he was going to invite another girl and hung up on me! I was so pissed! Until around 5 minutes later when he called me again:
Corey: "Tori said she would coming....now will you go if she does?"
Cassidy: "Sure." *blushing*
The bonfire was reeeally fun! It was full of a bunch of red necks (those are always fun to hang out with). One red neck was named Stoney (yes, that is his real name. No, he is not a stoner) and he is literally the funniest guy I have ever met! Me, Tori, and Demi were the only girls there. We all danced by the fire and talked. We had so much fun and there were no drugs or alcohol. Corey made me laugh so much and gave me a piggy back ride across the field by his house. All of his friends at the party thought we were dating. A couple days later he sent me a message that said:

"You are beautiful. You are amazing. And when all else fails, you're the only one that can make me smile."

Scarbourough Faire.
Corey and I went to Scarbourough Faire along with a CBI class for a field trip. (if you don't know: CBI can also be called the 'special ed' classes). We were in a group together with 2 guys named Zach and Taylor. Zach is kind of normal, you would never be able to tell that he was in those classes. Taylor was mostly normal as well (except that he is 15 years old and he's 4 feet tall). We had a great time walking around and playing games. Zach mentioned once that any boy that would date me would be a 'very lucky boy'. And Corey said:

"Yeah, that's what the last one said..."

So I made sure to slap him for that one.

At the faire, there is a game where you pay 5 dollars to sword fight your friends. We all decided to get in there and battle eachother. The first to get out was Zach. When he left, I noticed that we were creating a crowd. Taylor and Corey both teamed up on me as people screamed "Get the girl! Get the girl!" so I was out.

At that moment I saw Corey do the cutest thing I have ever seen in my entire life! Since Corey is 6 feet tall and Taylor is only 4- Corey got down on his knees to battle Taylor! IT WAS SO FREAKING SWEET AND CUTE AT THE SAME TIME. At that moment I just wanted to marry him! Corey ended up winning the fight though.

Demi's Party!
Demi had a party on Friday. Again, there were no drugs or alcohol there. The only people that came were Tori, Megan, Stoney, Sam, Corey, and me. It was a pool party with a radio blasting a LOTS of food. When Corey, Sam, and Stoney got to the house we ate SO MUCH pizza. Corey sprinted towards the pool, ripped his shirt off and jumped in the pool. Stoney followed after him with a cannon ball. Tori and Megan egged me to jump go in so I took my clothes off (I was wearing my swimming suit underneath, js) and started walking towards the pool. I was feeling so insecure because it was the first time I had been in a bikini around guys. As I walked towards the pool Corey said:

"Mmmm...Cassidy..." in a joking tone.

I immediately covered myself up with my arms and began backing away. When suddenly I felt someone picking me up. Sam held me in his arms as he ran towards the pool and threw me in.

The rest of the time in the pool was awesome! We played tons of games (like marco polo and chicken). In chicken I ended up on Corey's shoulders and that was slightly awkward, so I got on Tori's shoulder's instead ;)

There was a sudden thunderstorm so we had to get out of the pool. We all stood outside and watched the sky. Demi's mom was scared to death so she went and hid in the bathtub. Demi, Megan, and Stoney ended up staying inside. While Tori, Sam, Me and Corey sat outside and talked about everything. Sam is such an deep thinker.

Eventually, we all ended up inside watching scary movies. Demi's house was flipping freezing so we all ended up cuddling with eachother. Guess who I ended up with! Corey of course :P Tori ended up with Sam and Stoney  got Demi and Megan. He described our cuddle partners as this:
"Sam has Tori. Corey has Cassidy. And I got these two b*tches." He meant it in a totally funny and non offensive way.

I have a lot of good memories with him...I just don't know if we're ever going to go anywhere.

Boys are confusing...

I know it's not fair to leave you guys hanging in the midst of all this Corey/Ben drama but I'm back writing again. I've made one observation in the past two days: BOYS ARE CONFUSING! Yesterday, Tori and I went over to Corey's house to hang out and it was really fun! He lives way out in the country, with a lot of land, and tons of things to do. Tori had joked with me the day before that Corey really didn't want her to come, and he only wanted me to. She was dead wrong considering the fact that he just played around with her all day and practically ignored me.

What happened first was, we got there and Corey gave us a ride in the tractor! Yeah, we rode around his yard in a tractor bucket! Talk about country... Then we went inside and ate pizza, and watched the Help. Tori picked up these headphones that were plugged into the tv, and she sat really close to the screen. Corey and I were sitting in the back of the living room, I was sitting on the couch and he was laying on the floor. Then he said something stupid so I smacked him with a pillow, which he then grabbed and pulled me practically on top of him. I kind of freaked out because of Ben so I jumped up really quickly, and I think that hurt his feelings.


Tori jumped on him for something and they practically wrestled all over the floor. I kind of just watched them, Corey was REALLY flirting with Tori. I have to admit; I got really jealous at first but when I thought about it after a second, I realized that if Corey and Tori get together: everything will be simple. So when Corey left the room Tori asked "What are you going to do about this Edward/Jacob deal?" She was refering to Ben and Corey. "I'm going to let Jacob date Renesme..."I said to her. "Who's Renesme?" She asked. "You!"


She spent the 5 minutes trying to tell me it wasn't true and that she had absolutely no feelings for Corey and that she would never date him. Corey then, kept calling me cute while he was practically cuddling with Tori...DOESN'T MAKE SENSE!!! When it was time to leave, we walked out to Tori's car and I sat in the passanger seat. Corey awkwardly hugged Tori and then said "Cassidy get out of the car so I can hug you!" I got out of the car and lifted my hands up, expecting an awkward hug as well. Instead Corey grabbed me by my waist, lifted me in the air and spun me around. I was so shocked that I yelped his name really loudly.

When I got home, I got home to an adorable message from Ben, telling me how much he likes me and how great of a person I am. I felt so horrible...


2 minutes later, I got a message from Corey, saying that I looked beautiful today.

AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

That awkward moment when...

That awkward moment when you make your friend, Corey, a sandwich to thank him for driving you to school. But when you give it to him, he says "Thank you!" with a big smile and then he pulls out a heart shaped box full of chocolates, a cupcake sucker, and a chocolate rose. Saying "I thought you might like these..." And you realize that he didn't just out do your sandwich, but he also out did your boyfriend of 3 months.

A Bella, Edward, Jacob relationship?

Im currently sitting in my boring computer class with nothing to do. Luckily, I have a blogger app on my phone so I can blog anywhere, at any time. I WAS going to post about how wonderful and perfect my boyfriend, Ben is but over the weekend he started acting like a complete jerk!!! He's 18 and a senior in high school, so there's quite an age difference between us. He called me on Thursday night, telling me that we're never going to be able to last and that our relationship is useless, but also that he doesn't want to break up. Makes no sense, right?! The next day he was short and angry in all of his text messages so I said : I'm trying really hard right now and you're obviously not in the mood. So just text me when you want to talk to me....HE DIDN'T REPLY FOR TWO DAYS!
But on Friday, the first night Ben ignored me, I hung out with my best-friends Corey and Tori. We went to the park and had the greatest time ever. We sat and talked about past relationships, and Corey shared his past stories of heartbreak...I seriously started to cry. Then we had to go see Tori's little sister perform. Tori drove there but me and Corey walked because Tori isn't allowed to have more than one person in the car. Corey and I were almost ran over twice!!! But we made it there safe. Then we sat outside, on a bench and talked, I found myself wishing I could kiss him. Then Tori told us to go inside and not much longer, he left. As soon as he left, the words came out faster than my mind could tell them to stop "Tori, I like Corey ..." I expected that statement to be shocking. Her words : "I know... he likes you too." How on earth did she know when I didn't?! I argued with her for the rest of the night; Corey didn't like me! He couldn't... Finally, being tired of my stubbornness, she asked him through text "You like Cassidy, right?" He said "Well yeah I like Cassidy. But I think this is a conversation meant more for me and her, so Cassidy text me because I know you're reading this." You have no idea how happy that made me. He asked if I liked him and Tori said "She does...but she's really confused right now." He said "I understand..." Tori spent the rest of the night trying to convince me to take Corey over Ben. On Sunday, Ben finally replied and we hung out. I had a good time with him but I couldn't get what he said or what he did out of my head. Corey sent me a text while I was with Ben, asking if me and Ben were okay. I told him "All guys are douches." Just joking around. He asked if I was okay and what happened, I didn't really want to tell him. Finally I was like "You're going to make me tell you, aren't you?" And he said "No I can't and wont ever force you to do anything. You just seemed pretty upset about it..." that almost made me cry so I didn't reply. I sat next to Ben and listened to him talk about how he's going to try his hardest to make what we have last...I felt like a complete b-word. I like them both a lot...a lot! And neither of them deserve to be treated like the way I'm treating them. I'm thinking about just acting normal around Corey, acting normal around Ben and seeing who I'm happier with...Sometimes I wish life could be like Twilight. If so Ben would be my Edward, Corey would be my Jacob, and everything would be fine...

Bang-free Thursday!

Why does it always feel like Thursday is always the MOST boring day of the week ? I'm not exactly sure, but one thing I am sure of is that today was not at all a typical Thursday. I'll start from last night:

Last night, a meteor hit my town...A FREAKING METEOR! Do you know how ridiculous that is?! Some people even said that they heard a boom when it broke through the sound barrier. Apparently, it lit up the whole sky and it was absolutely beautiful. But of course, I missed it because I was probably either (A)On Facebook or (B)Doing my homework. Either way, I'm still pissed that I missed it.

I woke up this morning but laid in bed for an hour because my room was too cold. Then I get a text from my friend Tori saying "Hey, I'm going to take you to school today. Be there in 5!" So I had to rush to get ready! I didn't even have time to wash my hair so I had to pull it into a bun and pin my bangs back. My bangs are like my trademark, my security blanket, my kryptonite; without them I am nothing. I had to deal with mixed comments about my forehead all day today.

In first period, I get this text from my friend Maggie that says "I'm sorry." and I freaked out! I had no idea what she was talking about until a second later when I get a text from an unknown number. Turns out it's this number is this really annoying kid who *quote* 'been crushin on me real, real hard'. Maggie gave him my number. I told him I had a boyfriend and he got depressed. I saw that boy after EVERY class period today and he winked at me everytime. I also threw up a little in my mouth, every time he winked...

My friend Demi is being cyberbullyed and it resulted in this GIANT fight in the hallway between her boyfriend, and the people who were bullying Demi. Her boyfriend won! But they broke his nose. Sucky day for him!

I've got to go! Talk to you later!:)

My love for Partner PE.

I joined this class called Partner PE at the beginning of this year. But stupid Danny, and all of his nonsence, stopped me from writing so I never got the chance to tell you about it. Partner PE is a class where normal students play with the Special Ed. students. Everyone is assigned one partner and they play games with this partner. It is the best class I've ever taken! My partner's name is Justin and he had a serious brain injury at a young age. His foot is twisted, as well as his arm, it's also hard for him to talk, or pay attention. The only things he knows how to say is "Hi!" or "Ball." or "Buh-bye!" but he can communicate very well! He's constantly smiling and he has the greatest smile; it lights up his whole face! If he's smiling really wide and shaking his hand, it means he likes something. If he's not smiling and he has his arms crossed, it means that he absolutely hates it. I have the best times ever in that class with all of the kids. We always throw little birthday parties for all of the kids and holiday parties. We're actually talking about having a prom! How awesome is that?!

My dream prom dress!

Wednesdays always suck.

Well guys, it's Wednesday and I really have nothing to write about. But I promised that I'm going to write more and I'm trying very hard to keep that promise!

Currently, I'm trying to distance myself from Ben (i.e. my boyfriend) because I realized that I rely too much on him to make me happy. It's good to have someone in your life who will make you happy no matter what, but it's starting to get to the point that if he makes me any less than extremely happy, I get all mad and paranoid. That's not a good thing because I REALLY like Ben and I don't want to lose him because I'm acting like a lunatic. Plus, it's important to have other things that make you happy. So to distract myself I will be: doing all of my homework (FINALLY!), trying new things with my hair, writing more, excercising, doing new things with my make-up, making new friends, volunteering at places...stuff like that. Things that make me happy!

In exactly 6 months I will be able to drive! Everybody better watch out for me because I will be taking it to the roads. I can't believe I'll be able to drive soon! That is unbelieveable. Honestly, I feel like I'm still a little 8-year-old girl (except with boobs and harder schoolwork). And then after that I'm going to be 18 and going to college! Me?! College?! AHHHHhhhhh!!!!!! Mom almost cried when I got my first letter from college. It was for the University of Alaska! I'm honestly thinking about going... just to say I went from Texas to Alaska! That is quite a transition.

Why do people feel the need to make-out in the hallway?!?!?! I mean, just do that at home where no one can see you. I hate it! And I especially hate it when you're walking past a couple that's making out and you can hear noises....UGGGHhhh!!! It's so gross! No one wants to see that. Please, take it
home?

Well, I have to go do my homework (joy, joy, joy). I'll post later.

Mr.Freeze

In sighing breaths and hidden tears, I laugh just so you think that I'm okay. So you won't worry your head about what is going through mine. On a good day; I can be perfect. On a bad day; not so much. But everyday inbetween; I try so very hard to be what you need me to be. I sit and wonder how a heart so cold can keep you alive. Broken so many times, it's just frozen in your chest. Sometimes you treat people with the same cold blood that flows through your veins. I guess it's my turn...

I remember the words you said almost like it was yesterday "You'll get tired of me one day..."

No, I'm staying until you freeze me to death.

What happened with Danny...What happened with Ben!

Finally, I'm going to tell you what happened with Danny. The reason why I haven't told you guys about it yet is because, it kind of hurt too much to write down. He did break my heart. But now that I've had sometime to sit and think about it, I realized that I really didn't love that boy! He was annoying and clingly, and not to mention that he was the most awkward person on this planet! But I did give that boy 6 months of my life...

What happened was: that last month we were dating was complete hell. He just stopped trying . I would try to talk to him, text him, etc. and he just stopped replying. So finally I did too. One night he called me on the phone (while he was at his friend Ben's house-that's important) and he broke up with me. I was devestaded and I cried for 3 hours straight. Mom gave me a sleeping pill and said "Don't take him back if he asks." I listened to her and laid down and finally fell asleep... 2 HOURS LATER I wake up to a call from Danny, and he was begging me to take him back. Disregarding my mother, I took him back.

He came over to my house the next day, and then broke up with me again. "WHAT A DOUCHE!!!" I know that's what you were thinking. And yes, that was an extremely douchy thing to do. I cussed him out and got all of my anger out of the way. And we went to 'friend' standards, I guess... I later found out that he broke up with me for another girl named Dakota AND he lied and told all of his friends that he fingered me. (sorry, I know that was gross to hear) WHICH HE DID NOT!!!

3 months later, I go on Ben's Facebook profile and saw that some guy was yelling at him for something. I sent him a message, asking if everything was alright. We had a nice conversation, he asked for my number, AND...now we've been dating for 2 months. I know what you're thinking, it is kind of uncool that I'm dating one of his friends. But honestly, I'm happy with Ben and I'm not just dating him to get at Danny. I'm WAAAAY happier with Ben then I am with Danny. Goes to show, that you never know what life will throw at you.